August 10, 2008

Handling Contentious Family Issues

by Rev. Dr. Jim Carlson

Genesis 37:1-4;12-28

·                    Opening Illustration –

·                    Passage raises question of where God is in family conflicts and how God works through them for the good.

·                    Jacob/Israel had twelve sons by four women (two were servants).

·                    Joseph came toward the end. Only Benjamin was younger.

·                    Israel favored Joseph – made him a longer coat – very colorful. Brothers resented him.

·                    Joseph shares his dreams – Foreboding of future humiliation of his brothers and parents.

·                    Brothers moving flocks through Shechem – pasture. Israel sends Joseph to check on them.

·                    Joseph finds someone who takes him to where his brothers are. They see him before he gets there.

·                    Brothers plot to get rid of him for sharing his dreams with them. Reuben says to throw him in a pit rather than kill him.

·                    Brothers take his robe, threw him into cistern and then sell him to passing traders.

·                    They kill a goat, dip it in blood and take it home; led their father to believe that Joseph had been killed by a wild animal.

·                    Israel mourns for him and wants to die. Joseph gets sold to one of Pharaoh’s assistants.

·                    Why would God choose such a dysfunctional, violent family as the chosen people?

·                    Part of the reason is to show how God overcomes adversity to preserve God’s people.

·                    Sounds nice, but when you’re dealing with significant family issues, the last thing you’re thinking about is how wonderfully God has been with you through your family squabbles in the past.

·                    All you want to do is get your relative to see the error of his/her ways. But as you read this story you can see some of the pitfalls (no pun intended) of taking that approach.

·                    Couple of lessons we can learn regarding family conflicts:

·                    First: Quickest way to family disaster is for parents to favor one child or grandchild over others.

o       Rest of the children can’t help but resent the favored one.

o       Communicates the wrong message about God’s own love.

·                    Second: Don’t throw gas on the fire.

o       Joseph’s brothers didn’t kill him because of the coat; they killed him because of the dreams.

o       If there is a long standing issue that can’t be resolved, don’t stick it in your family members’ faces.

o       Focus on points of unity.

·                    Don’t fall into the trap of thinking your family is so conflicted that God cannot work in your situation.

o       Israel wanted to die when he heard Joseph was dead.

o       People in conflicted families often feel that God has abandoned them. Feel guilt. Can’t be repaired.

o       Story reminds us that when things are most contentious, that’s when God is most present.

·                    Final Illustration

·                    Conclusion: Family conflicts are not avoidable. The family that never fights is usually a family that holds hidden grudges that they never resolve. Let’s not confuse that with a healthy family.

·                    Healthy families don’t throw each other into pits or sell each other into slavery either. This is a story about a family who had lost their regard for each others’ lives.

·                    God does not want us to be so conflicted that we have lost our regard for one another. Even in times of conflict we must hold on to the principle that we love our neighbor as ourselves.

·                    If we love our neighbor as ourselves, how much more must we love our own families? Even when we can’t see the forest through the trees, even when we feel we’ll never resolve our issues with our families, keep in mind that god is always there, pulling us out of the pit, raising us up as God raised Joseph up in Egypt.

·                    Your family may remind you of that bloody coat Joseph wore. But don’t lose faith. Remember that with God, your salvation is always near.